The purposes of the mini challenge is to make everybody laugh, and, like most mini-challenges, to determine the queen who will have an advantage in the main challenge.
RuPaul opens the mini challenge by saying "In the great tradition of Paris is Burning, bring out your Library Cards!" a pun for "reading".
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 7: Once Upon a Queen
Mini Challenge winner: Jujubee
- To Tatianna: "Oh, wow. We have Eminem doing drag, mama."
- To Jessica Wild: "Oh, wow. And standing next to her, is that Dumbo Flying in?"
- To Jujubee: "Oh mama, is this Jujubee? Darling let me get to your level. Oh Ru, we have an undergrown orangutan!"
- To Pandora Boxx: "Oh, and next to her, darling how old are you?"
- To Raven: "And the one on the end, oh just look at her Ru, are you going swimming, or are you doing drag, mama, what is that?"
- To Tyra Sanchez: "Smile for me." (Tyra smiles), "Don't smile."
- To Jessica Wild: "Do you pick up satellite with those big ones?"
- To Tyra Sanchez: "You think that is big? (Pointing to her own ears) You need to see another thing that I have for you, bitch. (Pointing to her crotch)"
- To Tatianna: "You are SO FAT, girl."
- To Jujubee: "What are you doing here, mama? Go back to China Town, girl"
- To Pandora Boxx: You are a gringa puerca (white pig)."
- To Raven: "You, the top model? When I see your face, I said puñeta! (faggot)."
- To Tyra Sanchez: "Miss Tyra, was your barbecue cancelled? Your grill is fucked up."
- To Tatianna: "And, Miss Tatianna, Miss Honey. You think you're so soft. Not by the hairs of your chiny chin chin."
- To Jessica Wild: "And let me tell you something, puerca. You won't understand this anyways... (speaking Laotian): "You have a dog face, and your body is HUGE". Get my gist? Do ya understand?
- To Pandora Boxx: "Pandora, can we talk about sun tanning?"
- To Raven: "And you! Legendary, you think you are. Legendary? Looks like leg and dairy (rubbing her stomach)!"
- To Tyra Sanchez: "Tyra Sanchez, if you are America's Sweetheart, America needs a heart transplant."
- To Tatianna: "Tatianna, all I hear when I put my ear up to yours is the ocean."
- To Jessica Wild: "Jessica Wild. Those drag clothes looks like a donkey fucked a piñata and threw up."
- To Jujubee: "Jujubee, with that gaping thing you call an asshole, I think I could go spelunking in there."
- To Raven: "Raven, the Frosty Bitch. I think I see penguins circling that pole."
- To Tyra Sanchez: "You got a grill that could put Black & Decker out of business."
- To Tatianna: "Everyone thinks you're pretty. I do think you're pretty. I think you have a beautiful face... for radio."
- To Jessica Wild: "You want to call me a top model, mami? Bend over and take it like a man. I'll be your top... model."
- To Jujubee: "Honey, don't you know a thing about doing a manicure and a pedicure? Fix them hooves, honey."
- To Pandora Boxx: "Pandora, by the looks of you, you're going through the change of life, honey."
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 8: Ru Ha Ha
Mini Challenge Winner: Shangela
- to Manila Luzon: "Manila Luzon. It's not because you're Asian. It's because I need some PATIENCE to deal with you."
- to Delta Work: "Delta Work, is that your tits or your feet?"
- to Raja: Raja, you think you're fashion? You should go to OLD... SCHOOL."
- to Yara Sofia: "Oh, Yara. Your blue contacts are so creepy that it makes my skin itchy, itchy, itchy... pa'lante."
- to Delta Work: "It's Dinner time, Delta. And you are serving Body-ody-ody. Well, I guess that solves the problem with all them starving kids in Africa."
- to Raja: "Girl, don't go to an antique shop, they just might keep you there."
- to Yara Sofia: "Yara, isn't it interesting that when your flight came into town the sightings of chupacabras increased?"
- to Manila Luzon: "Manila, what are we gonna do when a hurricane hits all of Asia. You won't have any material left."
- to Raja: "Raja, when you're on the runway, do you keep the 800 number for suicide? Because those toes are ready to jump."
- to Shangela: "Miss Shangela, girl, can we have some water? Her hair is thirsty, baby."
- to Delta Work: "Delta, just grow a neck, honey."
- to Raja: "Raja, should I call you Raja or Grandma?"
- to Shangela: "Shangela, I hope you still have your phone card to middle earth, 'cause the hobbits are calling!"
- to Delta Work: "FAT."
- to Alexis Mateo: "WHO CARES?"
- to Carmen Carrera: "SYPHILIS."
- to Yara Sofia: "Yara, WHAT THE FUCK are you saying, girl?"
- to Alexis Mateo: "Alexis, girl, I been thinking about you all day. I was at the zoo"
- to Delta Work: "Mimi Imfurst."
- to Raja: "Raja, I know you call yourself top model, but I think Tyra Banks and I would agree you're just fashion roadkill."
- to Manila Luzon: "Manila Luzon, Asian role model. Well, I hope you were referring to the rolls all over your body."
- to Carmen Carrera: "And, aw, Carmen Carrera. Honey, just go jump in the ocean. You won't drown. Silicone floats."
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 7: Dragazines
Mini Challenge winner: Latrice Royale
- to Sharon Needles: "Does someone smell that? Oh that's just Sharon Needles!"
- to Jiggly Caliente: "Jiggly Caliente, you should feel honored! You're the first contestant in Drag Race history with child!"
- to Latrice Royale: "Latrice Royale, you're free now you don't have to rock the yard sandals anymore!" (Latrice was wearing sandals backstage and during the mini challenge)
- to Dida Ritz: "Dida let me start with you boo, there's some lotion in my purse, you need to use it on your elbows and your knees, you look like you've been galloping through flour baby."
- to Chad Michaels: "Mama Chad, it's called forever 21 not forever 41!"
- to Willam: "Willam, honey, your face is made out of marbles, s*** don't move!"
- to Jiggly Caliente: "Oh Jujubee, you know helium is for balloons, not your stomach
- to Willam: "Willam, I know you're talented at you know, buying shoes, but you're talented at you know, drag?"
- to Sharon Needles: "And uh, Sharon? I love how you rock the Party City!
- Sharon Needles: "That's where I got your Lady Gaga wig!"
- to Dida Ritz: "Dida Ritz, I don't know if that's Hot Couture or Hot Cou-torn 'cause there's holes in that shirt!"
- to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi, you are gorgeous, you catch the camera's eye from the right, but from the left, you snag it!"
- to Chad Michaels: "Chad Michaels, you so old, you're still on Myspace.com Chad Michaels!"
- to Dida Ritz: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the RuPaul ball, tonight, in the category of BUTCH QUEEN: DIDA RITZ!"
- to Jiggly Caliente: "Jiggly, I love you, come to Mother Dust, come, come to me, come, I won't hurt you... here's my dentist card. Use it"
- to Willam: "Willam Belli, Willam Belli loves to live his life and think he's Carrie Bradshaw, but in the sequel she'll be playing Scary Radshaw."
- to Jiggly Caliente: "Jiggly Caliente, BMW... Body Made Wrong!"
- to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi O'Hara, although reading is fundamental darling, you want to spell first, you illiterate f***!"
- to Willam: "Willam, Miss Industry, congratulations on your new role as the Big Bad Wolf, by the hair on your chinny chin chin!"
- to Sharon Needles: "Sharon Needles, two words, "Sideshow Freak!""
- to Dida Ritz & Willam: "Dida Ritz, a lot of you girls like to clock me for painting my skin on the gray side, but I was inspired by your knees, and they're the same color as Willam's chin!"
- to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi O'Hara, what brand of makeup do you wear? Sherman Williams?"
- to Jiggly Caliente: "Jiggly Caliente, you're such a fat slut, after sex you smoke hams!"
In this season, there wasn't a "" mini-challenge as the previous seasons, in change, the girls had to dress up in cheer-leading costumes and "read" the other contestants in a cheer format.
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 4, All-Star Girl Groups
- to Raven: 5, 6, 7, 8! Raven, Raven, slow and sleek, you're so boring, I fall sleep!(snore)
- to Jujubee: Bean, Bean, Bean! Bam, bam, bam! Juju you look like Jackie Chan!
- to Chad Michaels: Chad, Chad, my little Consuela, you so old, you look like myabuela!
- to Shannel:
- Jujubee to Alexis Mateo: Alexis Mateo, your look is really ghetto!
- Raven to Yara Sofia: Yara Sofia, you give us diarrhea!
- Raven to Chad Michaels: Chad, you look fierce, cheeks and lips of silicone!
- Jujubee to Shannel: Ooh, that Shannel, Ooh that ass, you don't need no styrofoam!
- Raven to Team Shad: Go Team Shad! Go home!
- Team Yarlexis:Granny panties, Dreadlocked hair, Phony pony, don't you dare. Rhinestone eyes and glitter lips. Shakira with her lumpy hips.
- Team Rujubee: Fran Drescher, whiney voices, Bea Arthur, real bad choices. One's from Russia, one's from Laos, Bibi and Juju in the house! YAY!
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 7: RuPaul Roast
Mini Challenge Winner: Alaska
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, condragulations on the weight loss, but to me, you're still Boxxxy, Mandrews."
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, overbites are very in this season. Too bad your performance here is so underwhelming."
- to Alaska: "Sharon Needles! What?"
- (web extra) to Jinkx Monsoon: "Jinkx Monsoon, with a name like a meteorologists', the only weather you're serving up is the weather storm of bad taste."
- (web extra) to Ivy Winters: "I-veeeee Wintersss! You're very soft and beautiful...for a hard clown.
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, there are two types of peanut butter: creamy (points to legs) and crunchy (points to face)."
- to Detox: "Detox, you won the challenge, you can take the chicken mask off now."
- (web extra) to Coco Montrese: "Coco Montrese, you are a fierce lip syncer. But when you're done, I don't know whether to clap or warm up the defibrillator."
- (web extra) to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, your performance as Katy Perry was less than satisfactory. When you go home, get on wikipedia.com and look the bitch up, do you know anything about her!?
- (web extra) to Ivy Winters: "Ivy Winters, you got read down for your performance in Snatch Game, but I however thought your impression of Mrs. Doubtfire was spot on."
- to Coco Montrese : "Coco Montrese, for someone who calls themselves a top, you sure do like being on the bottom."
- to Jinkx Monsoon: "Jinkx Monsoon, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you're great at the challenges, but on the runway, you're a bust!"
- (web extra) to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, you can't sing worth a damn, but you dance a great ballet. Darling with only one skill, it's time you sashay away."
- (web extra) to Ivy Winters "Ivy Winters, you're such a cute twink, but as a drag queen, you stink."
- to Detox : "Detox, is Amanda Lepore your mother? 'Cause there's a lot of silicone going on there."
- to Jinkx Monsoon: "Jinkx Monsoon, Boy George called. He wants his hat back."
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, never mind."
- (web extra) to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, your idea of a wardrobe is a swimsuit in a different color."
- to Ivy Winters: "Ivy Winters, I can't do it, because reading you is like reading a Walt Disney book, it's simply too easy."
- to Detox: "Detoxic! Honey, I know you're thinking you're serving body and look, but the only thing I'm getting is The Hills Have Eyes."
- (web extra) to Jinkx Monsoon: "Jinkx-I'm-a-Man-Monsoon, that's you. Hair, makeup rotted gutted."
- (web extra) to Alaska: "And Alaska the finale of the Rolaskatox. Start over."
- to Coco Montrese: "Miss Coco, you must be blind because it looks like you're using Tang for your highlight."
- to Alaska: "Miss Alaska, I think you should wear a mask for every challenge."
- (web extra) to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, the reason why you rely on your body so much is to distract everyone from your face."
"I don't wanna read these girls, I love them so much (puts glasses on) alright, let's go!"
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, Miss US- oh wait."
- to Detox: "Detox, you're so seductive, but unfortunately it's illegal to do it with you because most of your parts are under 18 years of age."
"Long story short, the season of the fish smells like trout."
- (web extra) to Coco Montrese: "Coco Montrese, I don't know why everyone keeps calling you old. How old are you? I'd say you look somewhere between 40 and death!"
- (web extra) to Jinkx Monsoon: "Next up Pandora Boxx, so nice of you to join us again.
Episode 14: Reunited!
- to Detox: "Let's start with a hometown favorite: the lovely Detox. Detox, when you walk down the runway, I do expect for the credits to start running for Gorillas in the Mist."
- to Serena ChaCha: "And to my dear, dear Serena: I would read you but it does appear like it already has.
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 6: Oh No She Betta Don't.
Mini Challenge winner: Darienne Lake
- to BenDeLaCreme: "Miss BenDeLaCreme, after seeing you in drag, I realize now why Seattle has a high suicide rate."
- to Joslyn Fox: "Joslyn Fox, she's so gay, even her asshole has a lisp."
- to Adore Delano: "Then we have Adore. I know what you got on your SAT's. Ketchup."
- (web extra) to Trinity K. Bonet: "Oh Trinity. She thinks she looks like Beyoncé from Destiny's Child. On second glance, you look more like Rosemary's Baby. (To RuPaul) It's an old reference, I know you get it."
- to Trinity K. Bonet: "Trinity, I believe your smile belongs on Season 4. Every day is shark week with your grill."
- to Laganja Estranja: "Miss Laganja Estranja, next time you death drop, reverse that and drop dead."
- (web extra) to Bianca Del Rio: Miss Bianca, you're such an old c*** if I fisted you, I would bring out some cobwebs and dust on my hand."
- to Darienne Lake: "Darienne Lake, I weigh like 110 and I'm really scared of you, so I'm just gunna keep it at that."
- to Trinity K. Bonet: "And I'm sure you all will remind me that my hair is so fine and damaged that I'm forced wear this clip-on ponytail (takes off ponytail). If you can't read yourself, how in the hell can you read somebody else, thank you."
- (web extra) to the girls: Hello ladies. You know that I am not the strong one for reading, so I've decided to just state facts.
- (web extra) to Adore Delano: Adore, I know sometimes you beat yourself up about your weight and you think you have a weird body. And I'm here to remind you, you do have a weird body and you are fat."
- to Joslyn Fox : "Joslyn Fox, you may not be all that smart, and you may not be all that pretty... I guess that's it."
- to Darienne Lake: "MIss Darienne Lake, you should be arrested for animal cruelty. The way you abused those kitten heels on the runway is absolutely criminal!"
- (web extra) to Trinity K. Bonet: "Tyra Sanchez, was your barbecue cancelled? Your grill is f***ed."
- to BenDeLaCreme: "BenDeLaCreme, the cream always rises to the top, but then again, so does the scum."
- to Joslyn Fox: "Miss Joslyn Fox, when we need a lower rate version of Courtney Act, we'll let you know."
- (web extra) to Laganja Estranja: Laganja, ladies and gentlemen, is a cover model. I saw her on the cover of a magazine just last month; Horse and Hound Quarterly."
- (web extra) to Adore Delano: Adore, I wish someone would show you a door. Any door."
- to Adore Delano: "Adore, you know you're from the west coast because it's a three hour delay before you finally get a joke."
- to Darienne Lake: "Darienne Lake, this is the girl who probably sits reverse cowgirl on the toilet just so she has a flat surface to eat off of."
- (web extra) to Courtney Act: "Courtney Act, what were you caught in the act of? Putting your face on, because you always look unfinished."
- (web extra) to BenDeLaCreme: "BenDeLaCreme, or more like has-been DeLa Creme."
- (web extra) to Laganja Estranja: "Laganja you're still here?"
- to Joslyn Fox: "Joslyn, you have some really comforting old fashioned qualities like how you paint in sepia tone and your voice sounds like a dial-up modem."
- to Darienne Lake: "Miss Darienne Lake, you have a lot of jokes, but to me, they're more like UFO's. I mean, they are way out there and I've never seen one land."
- to Adore Delano: "A-bore De-lameo, is that a hog on your body, or are you excited to see me?"
- to Bianca Del Rio: "Bianca Del Taco Trio, your style is as old and bitter as you. You've even got the crypt keeper crying "BOO HOO HOO!""
- RuPaul: "Thank you Dr. Seuss."
- to Milk: "Milk, your beauty and fashion is listed right on the side of your carton under 'Missing.'"
- to BenDeLaCreme: "You remind me of a Russian doll, full of yourself."
- to Adore Delano: (slowly) "Adore Delano, I'm going to say this very slowly so you can understand. You're dumb."
- (web extra) to Courtney Act: "Pretty little Courtney Act, her real beauty is on the inside. I guess that's why you've let so many men inside you. Courtney Act, Australian for whore."
- (web extra) to Laganja Estranja: "Laganja! You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
- (web extra) to Trinity K. Bonet: "Trinity K. Bonet, she says she has an eight inch penis, but it smells like a foot."
- Trinity K. Bonet: "That's a lie. I never said that."
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 9: Divine Inspiration
Mini Challenge winner: Trixie Mattel
- to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie Mattel, making fun of you is like shooting clownfish in a barrel. Unfortunately, that's about as fishy as you'll ever be."
- to Miss Fame: "Miss Fame, I think everything about you is so original, except for those lips, those cheeks and everything you present to the judges on the runway."
- (seen in ep13) to Pearl: "Pearl, your razor burn is so bad the only way I can read you is by braille."
- to Pearl: "Pearl, now that you come out of your shell, maybe you could use that as a butt pad?"
- to Violet Chachki: "Violet Chachki, you keep training those corsets girl. Pretty soon your waist size will be lower than your IQ."
- to Miss Fame: "Miss Fame, you are such a talented make-up artist. I have never met anybody whose able to shove their head so far up their own ass without smudging their eye liner."
- to Ginger Minj:"Ginger Minj, I disagree with the judges. I think you should bring your black hairspray down further. Full coverage."
- to Katya: "Katya, at this point you really should just make like your hair line and recede."
- to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie Mattel, haute couture? More like haute glue."
- to Trixie Mattel: "Is that Ben Affleck? Girl, I must be hungry for the dick if I think this thirsty bitch is her."
- to Katya: "Katya, now you get to increase your hooking fee. Thank you, RuPaul's Drag Race."
- to Trixie Mattel: "Miss Trixie. Girl, I am waiting for you to change that lip color, 'cause your face looks like the back of a baboon's ass"
- to Violet Chachki: "Oh look it's a giraffe, no it's a horse. Oh, it's just Miss Violet serving neigh realness."
- to Katya: "Katya, where do you get your outfits, girl? American Apparently Not?"
- to Ginger Minj: "Ginger Minj, girl did you ever save Carol Anne from the poltergeist in the TV?"
- to Violet Chachki: "Violet, I don't believe the rumors. I don't believe that you took Sharon Needles' crown. I don't believe you're taking this one either."
- to Kennedy Davenport: "Kennedy Davenport, you've got your eye on the prize and your other eye on the crown."
- to Katya: "Katya, are you confused? The saying is young, dumb and full of cum."
- to RuPaul: "RuPaul..."
- RuPaul: "Bitch! The library is closed and Pearl, the door is over there!"
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 6: Wizards of Drag.
Mini Challenge winner: Bob The Drag Queen
- to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor. Girl, I love you so much, I don't know whether to give you a hug, or put some change in a cup."
- to Bob The Drag Queen: "Bob The Drag Queen. You may be from New York, but honey, those feet are still from Mississippi."
- (web extra) to Robbie Turner: "Robbie 'snaggletooth' Turner, girl, you the first person I've ever seen whose teeth had a kickstand."
- (web extra) to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi Smalls... bitch, eat a sandwich."
- to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, your drag is just like turkey neck: cheap, and no one wants it."
- to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi Smalls. Your wardrobe reminds me of a legendary Drag Race queen: Nicole Paige Brooks."
- RuPaul: "The SHADE! Who knew that was lurking underneath all that—"
- Naomi: "We all knew." (gesturing to the other queens).
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor, I would read you but I wouldn't want you to worry about it."
- (web extra) to Robbie Turner: "Robbie Turner, Jinkx Monsoon and BenDeLaCreme shined with their Snatch Game characters, but I guess this is a trilogy I won't finish reading.
- (web extra) to Bob The Drag Queen: "Bob The Drag Queen, Michelle Visage said to punch up your highlights. Your makeup makes me want to punch you in the highlights."
- to Derrick Barry: "Simple—I mean Derrick—I mean Britney. You know, you are pretty attractive. I'd hit that baby one more time."
- to Bob The Drag Queen: "Bob. Please shut up."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, you know, I fell in love with you. You have this wonderful boyfriend back home, and she was telling us stories about how she has to—he sounds really attractive—you have to remind him to shower, you tell him to clean up after himself, and then you also cook dinner. You just open up a can of beans with those teeth."
- (web extra) to Kim Chi: "Uh... Teletubby."
- (web extra) to Robbie Turner: "Jinkx Monsoon—I mean Robbie Turner. I thought you were the whitest cracker on Earth, but actually when you got shown-up by the dog, the dog is a little whiter than you."
- (web extra) to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi Smalls, I loved you in Bambi. As Bambi. When you came out all thin. But I loved you even more as Jack Skellington in The Nightmare Before Christmas."
- to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi, no one knows whether to call you 'nigh-o-mi' or 'nay-o-mi,' but judging from your runway looks, no one's gonna be calling you at all."
- to Bob The Drag Queen: "Bob The Drag Queen. I had no idea that there are different shades of ashy."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, the day I met you, you sad you weren't a comedy queen. Yet you were wearing a trash bag. That was very comedic. Still, after six episodes: Your most expensive look."
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy, I am not surprised you did a killer Michael Jackson tribute in the Snatch Game. I'm still waiting for you to impersonate a female in this competition."
- (web extra) to Robbie Turner: "Robbie Turner. 'Let me tell you something for free.' Why don't you borrow some Ru dollars, and go buy a new quote."
- to Robbie Turner: "Robbie Turner, we know you're a vintage queen, but do you have to smell like mothballs too?"
- to Derrick Barry: "Derrick Barry. You say it takes you an hour to do your face. Why does it look like five minutes?"
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, your drag reminds me of my elementary school project: hot-glued together and cheap."
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor. You know how the kids are saying 'Brows on fleek?' Yours are on 'hide and seek.'"
- (web extra) to Bob The Drag Queen: "...and Bob The Drag Queen. I don't blame you for not being a great makeup artist. There's not many things you can do with coffee grounds and gasoline."
- RuPaul: "I don't even know what that means..."
- to Kim Chi: "Kim Chi. You are stomping for the gods on the runway. I just wish your drag would get raptured."
- to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi, I'm gonna give you some advice, darling. No one's gonna take you seriously if you were born after 'Windows 95' came out."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, your drag is amazing. ...considering you look like you got dressed in hurricane forced [sic] winds."
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor—if that's your Christian name—your hair is reaching for the heavens, but your bangs are praying for release."
- (web extra) to Derrick Barry: "Derrick Barry. It is so nice to be as pretty as homemade soap." Derrick: "...what?"
- (web extra) to Bob The Drag Queen: "Bob The Drag Queen. Bob, you're like the napalm of drag. Your drag is so good from afar, but far from good."
- to Derrick Barry: "It is a known fact that Derrick Barry is not very smart. When she heard Britney Spears, she said, 'Does she? I prefer fencing.' It is very hard to have an intelligent conversation with Derrick Barry. The only thing harder is Robbie Turner's wig lines."
- to Robbie Turner: "Robbie Turnter [sic]. I know you're a huge fan of classic movies and television. May I recommend one of my favorite classic movies and TV shows: Flipper."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi DeVayne. We all know she's poor and cheap, in fact you ring her doorbell, the toilet flushes. Why is everyone so shocked she can do backflips? Her teeth have been doing somersaults since she got here."
- (web extra) to Kim Chi: "Kim Queef. How would I describe your teeth? 'Thuthpicious.'" (suspicious, said with a lisp)
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor is a cautionary tale of why musicians shouldn't mate. You'll end up with an f-a-g on r-d-r with a-d-h-d with compulsion o-c-d, okaaay?"
- (web extra) to Naomi Smalls: "Naomi Shambles. I find it amazing you have eleven brothers and sisters and no one loved you enough to tell you not to wear those shoes on national TV. She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower just to get wet."
- Naomi, laughing: "I hate you."
- Bob: "She's so skinny she can look through the peep hole with both eyes."
- (web extra) to himself: "And Bob The Drag Queen is so dark, she sits in a tub of hot water, and makes coffee. Thank you, the library's closed."
All Stars 2
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 1: All Star Talent Show Extravaganza
Mini Challenge winner: Alaska
- RuPaul: "In the Great Tradition of Paris is Burning, Reading is what?"
- The girls: "Fundamental!"
- RuPaul: "Exactly!"
- Alyssa: "Day 1 of All Stars, read the hell out of each other. Get up outta here!"
- to the girls: "It's so hard when they're your friends, which is why this should be easy."
- to Adore Delano: "Do you know what Adore and the value menu have in common? They're both cheap and full of fat."
- to Tatianna: "Sweetie, I'm sorry! If you don't have a wrist band you can't be in here for the meet and greet!"
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alysaa, you are like the Abby Lee Miller of drag. Except when Abby Lee Miller dresses her body she can cover her backrolls."
- Alyssa: "Hold my clutch, bitch, and let me take this cape off."
- Detox: "Bye!"
- (web extra) to Katya: "I'm a big fan of Katya. Very manly arms. I mean, can you blame her though? After carrying the weight of season 7 on your shoulders..."
- (web extra) to Coco Montrese: "Ornacia... Oh, I'm sorry. This is the first time I've seen you, Coco, without a filter."
- to Coco Montrese: "Janet Hagson, oh, I'm sorry, Coco Montrese. How exciting for you that Janet has a new album out, you can both come out of retirement."
- to Tatianna: "Tatianna, thank you... For letting the PA's know who to pack up first."
- to Coco Montrese: "Coco Montrese, I've always wanted to know what the female Gremlin would look like in twenty five years."
- to Ginger Minj: "Ginger Minj, in my eyes, the true winner of season seven of TLC's I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!"
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, I think about you all the time. Especially in the morning, at the bus stop. Too soon, too soon, sorry!"
- (web extra) to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi O'Hara, since you've fixed your snaggletooth, I'll just talk about your face. You're ugly."
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, my darling dear. I can't stand it when you're near."
- to Alaska: "Alaska, I'm sure Katya can see you from her backyard."
- to Coco Montrese: "Coco, thank you for proving in season five that orange is the new black."
- to Adore Delano: "Adore Delano, do you know what makes you the number one fan favorite of all the time?".
- Adore: "No."
- Ginger: "Neither do I."
- (web extra) to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, you've often been referred to as the dancing fool. I just wanna know, when did the dancing part get added?"
- to the girls: "Allow me to introduce to you Monsters Inc."
- to Alaska: "Alaska? Gutted."
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Boxy Andrews? Rotted."
- to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi O'Hara? Gila monster."
- to Coco Montrese: "And that brings us to Coco Montrese? Beast!"
- to Alaska: "Alaska, I finally got to listen to Anus, and I get it. 'Cause it sounds like what my anus does after eating Mexican (original Chipotle). Mmm, choices."
- to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, you are so talented and you haven't let it go to your head. Nothing has changed you, or your overbite!"
- to Coco Montrese: "Coco Montrese, doesn't it suck that it took you longer than my existence to figure out what shade of makeup to use?"
- to Ginger Minj: "Peg Bundy ate Kelly and Bud. Party!"
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, It's good to see a filler bitch this season, and I'm not talking about that ass."
- (web extra) to Alaska: "Alaska, shut the fuck up."
- (web extra) to Katya: "And who's that. Um?"
- RuPaul: "Katya."
- Adore: "Katya! I have more followers than you."
- to Alaska: "Alaska, like her outfit, trash."
- to Coco Montrese: "Coco, way too old."
- to Adore Delano: "And Adore Delano, uhm... really?".
- to Detox: "Detox, no really, I mean that. This is actually your intervention, you should really stop... this."
- to Adore Delano: "Adore Delano, these other girls are gonna say you have terrible makeup skills, you have no fashion sense, and you're dumb as a rock. But they're wrong! You don't have terrible makeup skills."
- to Roxxxy Andrews: "Roxxxy Andrews, obviously a diet consisting of nothing but hatred for Jinkx Monsoon does a body good!"
- (web extra) to Phi Phi O'Hara: "Phi Phi O'Hara, you hand make all of your outfits, and I love them. My favorite one was that um one that one that was like a jumpsuit, it was all orange. ... So good."
- (web extra) to Tatianna: "Tatianna, [looks at RuPaul] really?"
- (web extra) to Ginger Minj: "Ginger Minj, you're so full of shit, you should change your name to ginger rectum."
- (web extra) to Alyssa Edwards: "Alyssa Edwards, whoever said everything's bigger in Texas has obviously never seen your dick. But you know what they have seen? Your body."
- Alyssa: "Lemme get my glock out my clutch."
- referencing Laganja Estranja: "C'mon All Stars, let's get all star-ted, Okurrr!"
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 8: RuPaul Roast.
Mini Challenge Winner: Valentina
- to Alexis Michelle: Alexis Michelle, Broadway is calling. In this case, it's the one in Brooklyn where the whores were.
- to Shea Couleé: Shea Couleé, you remind me of my favorite movies. Your fashion is Coming To America, and your smile, Jurassic Park.
- to Trinity Taylor: I'm so happy that we have on loan from Madam Tussauds, RuPaul's statue and miss Trinity Taylor.
- to Nina Bo'nina Brown: Nina Bo'nina Brown, your pads are so big, you bent down to pick something up off the street, and the garbage man said Who let this raggity couch here? Goodwill pickup is on Sunday.
- to Farrah Moan: Farrah Moan, all those mans that buy you fancy designer shoes, they're not your boyfriends, they're called Jons and they're your employers.
- to Shea Couleé: Shea Shea Couleé, you sure are a scene stealer. I guess gnawing on set pieces explains those teef.
- to Valentina: Valentina, your wardrobe sure does look expensive, but money can't buy talent.
- to Farrah Moan: Farrah, you really are the social media queen, too bad you can't get a filter for that personality.
- to Peppermint: Peppermint, you assassinated Cynthia in the lipsync but, did you have to practice on your wardrobe?
- to Nina Bo'nina Brown: Nina Bo'nina Brown Jurassica Parker, you've had some ups and downs in this competition and I can't wait to read it all in your biography, 50 Shades Of Ashy.
- to Alexis Michelle: Alexis Michelle, you're oh so BROOOAADWAAAY, but you're also very broad.
- to Trinity Taylor: Trinity Taylor, I once told you that you're so beautiful inside and out, I lied you ugly stripper.
- to Shea Couleé: Ladies, we're gonna do an exercise. Everybody raise your arms up to the sky, and Shea this is for you, one word. Deodorant, bitch.
- to Peppermint: Peppermint. You need one.
- to Sasha Velour: Sasha. You and Ru have a lot in common. He bald, you bald, he wear glasses, you wear glasses, he's rich, you-- nevuhmind.
- to Alexis Michelle: Alexis, you're like a BMW. Body made wrong.
- to Valentina: Valentina, you think you're Miss Venezuela, but you're more like Miss Quinceañera.
- to Alexis Michelle: Alexis Michelle, Pillsbury called, they want their rolls back.
Episode 13: Reunited!
- to Alexis Michelle: "Alexis, I love your costume. You look just like a honeybaked ham."
- to Aja: "Aja, I love your costumes. That's why I call you the Joan of Arc of drag. Great ideas, badly executed."
- to Valentina: "Oh yeah, I had a really good read for Valentina but I can't remember the words..."
- to Trinity Taylor: "Trinity swears she's so fishy bitch, all she's serving is Fisher-Price."
- Trinity : "Bitch, you look like fish. A whale."
- Eureka : "Baby! Honey, I'm James and the Giant Peach and not afraid of it, okay?"
- Trinity : "Bitch, you ate James and the giant peach."
- Eureka : "Bitch, I thought I was a big girl till your nose walked in, bitch."
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 1: All-Star Variety Show
Mini Challenge winner: BenDeLaCreme
- RuPaul: "That's right ladies; the library's open! Because Reading is what?"
- The girls: "Fundamental!"
- RuPaul: "I can't wait to see how this turns out."
- to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Wait, do you know where my wallet is? Chi Chi, did you take it when you stole my spot in the top 5 on Season 8?"
- to Shangela: "Shangela's the most annoying thing I've ever met in my life. She's like a pull-up toy that says 'Halleloo'. But the only thing more annoying than Shangela is Bob The Drag Queen. Just my opinion."
- to Aja: "By the way, Ru, did you know me and Aja used to work together in Brooklyn? Did you know she's a straight up witch? She cast a spell on the producers, how else do you think she ended up on All Stars?"
- to Thorgy Thor: "Miss Thorgy Thor! Girl, what the fuck you got on your head?! Christmas with the Kranks, hon."
- to Milk: "Big and Milky! Girl, just like the drink, you give me the shits."
- (web extra) to Shangela: "Shangela, halleloo! The only queen I know that can make epilepsy on stage look good."
- (web extra) to Kennedy Davenport: "Kennedy Davenport. Kennedy? Kennedy, I'm over here! I'm over here! Girl, that one eye confusing me girl."
- to Aja: "Aja! Welcome to the big leagues, where Charlotte Russe and Forever 21 won't cut it little girl."
- to BenDeLaCreme: "BenDeLaCreme, where you been? Like, literally, where you been?"
- BenDeLaCreme: Oh, uh, Seattle.
It's okay, I'm gonna Sia this bitch [Readjusts her wig]
- to Kennedy Davenport: "Kennedy Davenport; the only queen that doesn't have to turn to look both ways before crossing the street."
- to Shangela: "Shangela! I always thought her name was Angela and people were just telling her to shut up."
- (web extra) to Aja: "Aja, are you from outer space? Because your ass is out of this world and your face is cratered as fuck."
- (web extra) to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie Mattel, she's a fashion doll, she's beautiful... She's the personification of FUPA."
- to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi DeVayne. Girl, with that mouth, you could put Black & Decker out of business, because you've got a mouth full of tools honey."
- to Kennedy Davenport: "Kennedy Davenport, you seem a little offended by our jokes. We weren't offended by your parents' little joke."
- (web extra) to Shangela: "Shangela! From the Haus of Concreta; you are a brick!"
- (web extra) to Milk: "Milk? No. Cottage cheese? Yes."
- (web extra) to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie Mattel; so pretty. A year ago, she was pretty fat."
- to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor! You know, I love clowns! And I never met an unfunny one until I heard you reading."
- to BenDeLaCreme: "The low-rent Michelle Visage. Sister, it's nice to see you here. It's nice to see you anywhere considering you've been unemployed since season 6."
- to Morgan McMichaels: "Morgan McMichaels, sister I know you love to perform Hard Rock music. And that's good, because that face is also a hard rock."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi DeVayne! Started from the bottom, now y... Nope, you're still on the bottom."
- (web extra) to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie Mattel, bitch, you call yourself the lifesize Barbie. But actually, you look like a disgruntled Ken that ate Barbie and put on her wig and costume."
- (web extra) to Aja: "Aja, always representing Brooklyn. Honey, by the look of them clothes, you should be representing 'Broke-lyn', okay? Bitch, that outfit is so cheap, it looks like it was made by me. Oh, I just read myself, hold on."
- to Aja: "Aja, you're beautiful, you're gorgeous, you look like Seal."
- to Milk: "Wow Milk, you put a lot into this look. What, two percent?"
- to Shangela: "Shangela. What if this season, we put you IN a box? Cos you're gonna halle-lose."
- (web extra) to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor! Oh, girl, your drinking has affected me in the following ways."
- (web extra) to Aja: "Aja, girl, if you lose All Stars you can move on to your true destiny; which is killing teenagers in their dreams on Elm Street."
- (web extra) to BeBe Zahara Benet: "Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And heavier is the body."
- to BeBe Zahara Benet: "BeBe Zahara Benet, you look like an overweight Naomi Campbell."
- to Morgan McMichaels: "Morgan McMichaels, I would take the 'A' out of your name and replace it with an 'O', because I'm pretty sure we'd all like you 'Morgon'."
- to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie, you look like a Lisa Frank serial killer."
- to Thorgy Thor: "Well I'm very excited to read all of my sisters. Oh, Thorgy, I love this full outfit. I usually only get to see about this much [Gesturing to her face] when you're handing out balloons from that sewer grate."
- to Shangela: "Shangela! You have come so far! Initially, your makeup was kind of busted and your outfits were a mess and your personality was super grating, but look how far you've come now. You are much older."
- to Trixie Mattel: "Trixie, now, a lot of people clock your makeup, but I totally get it. You know, you're just painting for the back of the room, which makes sense because that's where your audience collects if you remember to lock the door."
- to BeBe Zahara Benet: "And BeBe, I hear that this is the year that you might get two crowns. Which is really not a lot of dental work as far as those early seasons are concerned."
- (web extra) to Chi Chi DeVayne: "Chi Chi, Alaska might have been the first one to wear garbage bags, and Alyssa might have done drop splits before you, and I might have made hot glue couture before you. But, AS3 is a whole new opportunity; you can still go home first."
- (web extra) to Kennedy Davenport: Kennedy, I realise that your reads today weren't that great, but in fairness, I don't expect you to be a good reader because you [slowing her speech] always talk like you're sounding everything out."
- (web extra) to Morgan McMichaels: "Phoenix. Oh, I'm sorry, Nicole Paige Bro... Uh... Pass."
- (web extra) to Aja: "Aja, I feel like people didn't really get your whole thing. I mean, you do amazing special FX makeup; everybody in the room can look like they're brightly lit, but you still somehow look like you're under that one flickering light in a haunted hospital."
Thanks, Mother. [Clears throat]
- to Thorgy Thor: "Thorgy Thor. Mother, she looks homeless."
- to Morgan McMichaels: "You know, I'm not going to read Morgan McMichaels, life already has.."
- to Kennedy Davenport: "Everybody, I'm the only African here! So why does it look like with Kennedy Davenport, you can sponsor her for thirty cents a day?"
Thailand Season 1
Here are all the reads from the first season of Drag Race Thailand's Episode 5: Snatch Game
Mini Challenge Winner: Amadiva
Here are all the quotes and reads from each of the queens on Episode 7: Snatch Game.
Mini Challenge Winner: Eureka O'Hara
- to Eureka O'Hara: "Eureka, we found it.Girl, how could we miss it?"
- to Monét X Change: "Miss Monét X Change. Ru, just an exchange? I would have asked for a full refund."
- to The Vixen: "The Villain. I mean, The Vixen. I really think it's so fierce that back in Chicago you have that show called "Black Girl Magic." Now can you show me a magic trick and just disappear?"
- to Monique Heart: "Monique Heart, you've got a heart of gold, the voice of an angel, and a hairline that looks like it's been fucked with a weedwhacker."
- to The Vixen: "The Vixen, you told us from day one you are here to fight. Sweetheart, why don't you fight some of those wigs with some soap and water?"
- to Aquaria: "Aquaria, God's gift to makeup. So sorry God didn't bless you with the gift of a personality."
- to Kameron Michaels: "Kameron Michaels, I don't really have a read for you. Please, just fuck me. Please, just fuck me!"
- to Aquaria: "Aquaria, I love your confidence. You're always telling yourself how you're beautiful, how you're talented, how you're gonna win. You're also a pathological liar."
- to The Vixen: "The Vixen, do you have a housekeeper, girl? Your kitchen is a mess."
- to himself: "Thank you all so much. I can't wait to hear your reads about me being fat."
Miz Cracker: "You won't have to wait long."
Eureka O'Hara: [laughs]
- to Eureka O'Hara: "Eureka O'Hara, I know you've probably seen "Dumbo" like a thousand times. But it doesn't matter how big you paint these wings. You are staying on the ground, bitch."
- to Aquaria: "Aquaria, people don't appreciate how much money you have to spend on makeup when you covering two faces."
- to Kameron Michaels: "Kameron Michaels, I think I speak for all the girls here when I say we're really gonna miss you next week."
- to Eureka O'Hara: "Eureka O'Hara, stop relying on that body fat."
- to The Vixen: "Miss The Vixen, though your tumbles are stunning, your hair gives me tumbleweed."
- to Monét X Change: "Monét X Change, girl, you know better to be black using hotel lotion."
- to Asia O'Hara: "Asia O'Hara, you are the Amazon queen. You get your tights from Amazon, you get some of your outfits from Amazon, and apparently they sell teeth, too."
- to Miz Cracker: "And Miz Cracker. You coin yourself as thin, white, and salty bout you forgetting bitter. Bitter that you are a New York City queen that had to fuck Bob the Drag Queen to get to the top."
Monét X Change: [removes glasses] And that's shade."